What Makes Long Term Relationships Work? Really!

Fulfilling, loving, mutually satisfying, meaningful, and long lasting relationships boils down to one thing:

• both partners in the relationship, without pre-conditions and with 100% sincerity commit themselves to make the other person feel
  • safe, loved, happy, accepted,  appreciated, understood, and
  • cared for.

Be “…like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. ³ Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, ⁴ not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”  [Apostle Paul]

To do this requires

• maturity,

  • (from both sides),
  • (psychological, social, and emotional);
  • children are innocent and beautiful to behold
    • but they can also be incredibly selfish, foolish, insensitive and unstable;
  • ‘man-child’ partners, and ‘baby-girl’ ‘diva’ personalities
    • find it hard to focus selflessly on others, and
    • often ruin the chances for long term happy relationships;

• trust, and vulnerability, because

  • to love without pre-conditions is risky, and
  • to open up to real love means to open up to deep hurt;
    • those who hurt us the most and
    • those we hurt the most,
      • are the ones that are closest to us;
        • they give the most happiness and/or cause
          • the deepest pain;

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• open and effective communication meaning

  • willingness to speak
    • about your fears, wants, and feelings
    • in a way that your partner can understand
      • without being pushed away(!), and
  • willingness to ‘listen’, and
  • willingness to learn(!)
    • from the other person;

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• the ability to forgive and overlook your partner’s fault(s):

  • (a generous spirit/heart);
  • ‘The teeth and tongue will get in each other’s way sometimes,’ and
    • it’s not pleasant when they do, but
    • they must find a way to work together
      • for the greater good of the body(!)
        • (in this case the relationship);
  • An ever growing record of hurts in a relationship
    • will crush it.
    • Let your relationship be like a room,
      • a pleasant place  where you both like to relax
        • and savor each other’s company; one
      • that is swept clean daily,
        • of the dust/dirt
          • (hurts of past days, weeks, and months),
      • whose windows and doors are constantly open
        • to allow sunlight and
          • fresh breeze through.

“When Somebody Loves You Back”
(Teddy Pendergrass [1979])

It’s so good lovin’ somebody;
When somebody loves you back

To be loved and be loved in return
It’s the only thing that my heart desires
Just appreciate the little things I do
Oh, you’re the one who’s got me inspired
Keep on liftin’, liftin’ me higher

We can build a world of love, a life of joy
Make our goal each other’s happiness
I will do for you anything that I can
Oh, everyday I wanna do a little more
Do a little more, just a little bit more

Said now 70-30
Now 60-40
Talkin’ ’bout a 50-50 love, yeah

More tomorrow!  You Can Do This, Let’s Do This!

Note:  I have been married 36 years, with 4 grown children, and have spent 30 years in ministry including counselling many couples, at all stages of their relationships. You can say I have been ‘around the block’ a few times. 

Email me your questions on relationships and I will answer them as best as I can.